My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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