drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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