Its about making memories worth repressing
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
