She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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