God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
