Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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