you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
