Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
