I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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