ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
