It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
