Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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