If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
