how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
