Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
