All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
