pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently you make a good broom.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
