aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
