what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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