why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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