At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
