I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
