; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
