3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
