she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I want her autograph on my taint
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
