the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
