never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
