Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
