There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The Olympian is in my bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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