Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
