Im at strip club and am horny
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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