the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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