shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
