I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
