Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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