I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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