im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
