these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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