we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
