He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
