we have pet lesbian snakes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
