life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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