He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
