OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
