Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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