I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
