Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
