Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
