you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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