I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
